My body, my mind, my story

It’s very rare that you hear someone (man or woman) say that they are happy with their body or the way they look. Now, yes, I’m a big believer in working towards a goal and always challenging yourself to be the best you can be, but don’t you get tired after a while?…….

I was chubby when I was a little kid. It wasn’t that my mom didn’t make healthy meals or fed my sister and I junk food, it was because I couldn’t stop myself. And hey, as a young kid it’s hard to discipline yourself and eat healthy all the time, and I just ate a lot of food. I did sports when I was younger and was active, but not as much as I do today. Did I get made in fun of? Of course, I was teased all the time, people calling me fat and I didn’t have half the confidence that I do now. Did I feel sorry for myself? You bet I did. It was easier for me to feel sorry for myself in silence than to talk about it out loud.

When I first entered high school, I was still a little over weight. I didn’t fit into Abercrombie and Fitch like all the other girls. Plus, first year of high school sports, I was intimidated because I wasn’t as fit, athletic or fast as my classmates trying out. But I still tried out, and made the freshman teams.

It was the summer going into my sophomore year that everything changed. I don’t know what came over me, I don’t know where the motivation came from, but I was determined to make a change. Not many people pin point the end of their freshman year as a turning point in their life, but for me, so much good was about to come. I started small by going to the gym a few times a week. I could barely run half a mile without stopping. But I started slow, then popped up to a mile, then a mile and a half, then two, then two and a half, and by the end of the summer I was at three miles. I had lost some weight and was feeling good for the start of the year.

All throughout high school I was able to maintain my weight. I was happy. I was confident in my clothes, and I wanted to go out. When I went off to college I still maintained my weight, gained maybe 5 pounds here or there, but overall I kept working out and eating right. But a few years later (time catches up with you), I started having days that I’d look in the mirror and was disgusted with how I looked, and what did I do, got a cupcake from WholeFoods. Food back then wasn’t a love for me, it was an excuse. I didn’t enjoy what I was eating, I was eating because I was upset – as we all do sometimes. Hey, that’s normal, and everyone has a different way of dealing with things, but hating on your body isn’t one of them. Weight, weight, weight, that’s all I cared about.

Flash forward four years. Here I am going about my regular eating habits and I’m starting to feel sick. Not once a week or once a month, or every other month, but almost everyday. Sometimes I’d ignore it and hoped it would go away or I’d take something, thinking it would make me feel better. But for anyone who’s had stomach issues, nothing makes you feel better. So here I am, hating my body, complaining all the time and hiding from my problems. It’s all in your head – got to love when people told me that. So, the confidence and happy lifestyle I had built for myself was slipping away.

Finally in September 2013, I went to see someone -another turning point in my life. “You owe it to yourself to be happy Delia,” I’d tell myself, but I didn’t believe it until a doctor finally told me I deserved better. As most of you know, I now live a gluten free life. At first, I was embarrassed to share that cause people either look at you like a freak or a burden, but now, I could care less, because all that matters is how I feel. I’m so focused on feeling good and living a happy life than how I look. Now people say, “it’s so easy for you. You’re happy cause you’re skinny.” And you’re right, I am happy with my body, but you know what, it has never come easy. I eat healthy, I workout, but I don’t deprive myself. Not one program works for everyone, but once you hit your goal weight, it’s all about living a healthy lifestyle.

I am inspired everyday by those around me who have achieved their goals and are happy with their lives. My sister for example, lost 95 pounds. Was it easy, HELL NO! She worked her ass off, and don’t think she had times when she wanted to quit or cheat, but she knew the end result was going to be so much sweater than any chocolate ice cream with chocolate dip :).

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In the end, I can’t make you think positive thoughts, but I want to inspire you to want to achieve your goals. Don’t be so hard on yourselves. Everyone struggles, everyone wants to make a change. You’re not alone. All you need is to get started, when its right for you.

Have a question or want to share your story? Leave in it the comments below. We all need to inspire each other.

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1 Comment

  1. Matt Mendolera-Schamann

    You’re an inspiration, D! Miss you but glad you are following your passion!

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